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Toady Duel: Senator Allen Fires Last Shot and Webb Uses Starting Pistol In Curious Political Battle November 25, 2006

Posted by publicpolitics in Butter and Guns.
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One might expect the nearly departed Senator George Allen (lately R- Virginia) to fire at least one shot in anger, and he has promised to do so by honoring one of his campaign promises to the Virginia Gun Owners’ Coalition. His parting shot will be to introduce legislation permitting the use of concealed weapons in U. S. national parks. What is perhaps (and only perhaps) a little more surprising is Jim Webb, his victorious and gun-lobby unendorsed Democratic opponent , also promised to introduce similar legislation on October 30. In one of those curious configurations which mark political contests, the incumbent now appears to have lined up on the finish line and taken aim , while his opponent did so from his position on the starting line, days before his victory. The situation calls for a mixed metaphor: in their duel over who will shoot the national (parks’) foot first, the combatants are seemingly engaged in a race for the Lobby Toady Trophy.

We might have the beginnings of a great idea here, and it is not to permit guns in national parks. The chances of being stalked and killed while visiting the bears exist, but are inifitesimal, as are the chances of the victim being able to off a determined killer by first accurately assessing the motive, removing said constitutionally protected method from its concealment, and then using same in a highly stressful situation. But, let me emphasize, the chances of such an event do exist. They are dwarfed , however, by the much more likely scenario of accidentally killing a bear, a racoon, or the obnoxious guy in the neighboring campsite who seems determined to cook his hotdogs on your grill while beating his girlfriend regularly and in the wee hours. Or he might just shoot you or one of your children instead.

No, the great idea is to convert the existing firing sqaud into a tetrad. Have Webb, Allen, a representative of the N.RA. , and a spokesperson for the Virginia coalition to form a circular firing squad, deep in the woods where their antics will probably go undiscovered until they become cold cases, and rescuers arrive to remove their rusting weapons from their cold, dead… you know the rest.

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